I’m 14-years-old. I threw a birthday party and nobody showed up except my parents and one cousin. Why has this happened? What should I do?

https://www.flickr.com/photos/timsamoff/15161361/in/photolist-2kGWM-6TQeJd-5Y9PzH-b8657n-nqegmH-EDwPf-2kHda-7nXLkF-nvoHbg-7pG3S2-chzn-LciV1-Pdbc2-zy6Mg-4LSv6x-BhJNEA-8JNcR5-9piCUN-fyxjuL-5brjp7-5UYMx8-9SyiR3-de7t6b-4ckSf1-WKdmLr-9mtAak-738hy7-EDwPm-25BFXcJ-26ReUcc-8TorzY-okSvMS-9AuXrj-7By1Gr-7o2EMh-fCQ3v-5eLmfs-5d1ns-6XbwBR-aGqYBk-2hovoy-5bRqhQ-WT2FXX-hVxFd6-DmHVZK-3MoWPx-bYfvh-8pqJPJ-6uXW3-6g8Asi

The following is my serious suggestion:

  1. Go find a quiet place and express your emotions, cry if you want to.
  2. Now ask yourself:
    1. Did everyone get your invitation?
    2. Now call only the one you missed the most and ask him or her, why he/she did not come? Now comes the important part: Listen to the tone of his/her voice.
      1. If it is genuine and there is a genuine excuse, build upon that.
      2. If anything is fishy about it, do not call him/her again, end the friendship and avoid them in the future.
      3. If you go to voicemail, do not call him/her again, end the friendship and avoid them in the future.
  3. Get and read Dale Carnegie: How to win and influence people.

DuckDuckGo & Qwant – my review

https://www.flickr.com/photos/60614544@N02/8384552602/in/photolist-dLV2nL-4kdLXH-Zj4eem-qB6CQk-8a7goi-cbzKMJ-ppxXb6-cbzKEj-qTxUCv-bUdvsB-bUdvjT-eMp76P-bUdwhR-hpNzRU-cbzKTj-bUdx2D-cbzJrC-bUdwMR-cbzKgf-bUdw9M-9qtqce-hpNwCj-cbzK4S-qTxVre-hpNjtQ-cbzKt1-cbzHUE-bUdwSX-cbzKmm-bUdxHe-hpPrcM-bUdvQH-c5AKqJ-hpPvo2-c5AKvd-c5AKJd-dGdRNP-hpMEWX-cbzLuS-c5AKts-hpPepZ-hpNqiL-hpPhyp-hpP8sP-hpNbEq-hpMNEx-hpN2GW-hpNkFj-hpP7ai-hpN3UA

Privacy matters. This is what you read everywhere. Google tracks you. Don’t use Google. Use DuckDuckGo. Use Qwant. They don’t.

Allegedly.

There is no way to prove any of that. So I did a usability test. I started using DuckDuckGo as my main search engine. Every time I entered a search term, it was DuckDuckGo to deliver the result. Then I did the same with Qwant. The result?

  1. Awful user interface. I just hate it. It looks like it came right from a scam site.
  2. Bad search results. Often search terms had nothing to do with the results. A comparing search on google caused better results.

In the end, DuckDuckGo’s and Qwant’s only usp is privacy. And that I cannot verify.

So fuck privacy and welcome good search results.

The two most destructive phrases you should never tell your child

Picture by Amy Meredith, Certain rights reserved, Attribution-NoDerivs 2.0 Generic (CC BY-ND 2.0), URL to Image Family, License

There are some words that you should never use when communicating with your child. Using those words or phrases creates a lot of damage to your child in the long run. I am writing this topic because of a post on Quora (Link) by Martin Lloyd. The first sentence you should never tell your child – or if someone else tells your child you have to immediately correct it – is

  • Never hit a woman

This one is wrong on so many levels. As Martin points out, when using this phrase you say a lot of about women. I want to quote his conclusions because he knows it first-hand and I couldn’t describe it better:

  1. it says they’re too hysterical to control their tempers (the way men are expected to control their tempers).
    it says they’re too dumb or too reckless to refrain from hitting someone much bigger and stronger than them (which is why men are assigned the responsibility of not retaliating).
  2. it says they’re so cruel they will inflict beatings on people who will not hit back (why would it be taught to men not to hit back unless it’s a given that a woman will beat you at some point?).
  3. it says they’re so fragile that retaliating is somehow worse than their initiating violence in the first place, the damage done to a woman is somehow less bearable than the same damage done to a man.
  4. it says they’re so weak that men are expected to endure it.

Of course, you should not tell your child if you do want him or her to become a hater of the opposite sex. If you are mentally warped and think, that it was appropriate to hate the other sex, then you are a case for the mental asylum and your children are a case for child protective services.

And then there’s the all encompassing, most destructive and cruel statement of all:

  • Violence is never an option / We don’t like you, if you use violence

Given that most parents have no issues slapping their children when they feel like it, this creates severe dissociation. If violence was no solution, why

  1. does the state have an army?
  2. is there police?
  3. do those parents keep on slapping their children?
  4. does it help to threaten people with jail if they don’t pay taxes?
  5. are those that used violence against bullies happy?
  6. is there a criminal law?
  7. is there any law?

“Violence is never an option”

  1.  tells a child that something was wrong with it should it ever want to retaliate with violence against a violent attacker
  2. enables those who were told “don’t let anyone mess with you” to have an unfair advantage, especially in times when the police is not reliable in persecuting responsible people
  3. makes your children victims

Never tell your child that

  1. violence was no solution
  2. it should never hit a woman